Powerful/Empowered Gorgon Seeks Unintimidated/Impervious Mate

Posted on April 29th, 2010 by

Take a look at this Clash of the Titans-inspired Onion piece:

Most Men are Too Intimidated to Date a Successful, Educated Gorgon

My sister Stheno says I “verily personify the terrors of the sea” and would be a “real catch” for any man with half a brain. I don’t know, maybe she’s right. Still, every time the real me emerges—the confident, cultured, cruel monster with hideous boar-like teeth who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to get it—everything starts to go downhill.Well, sorry, guys. If you’re looking for someone to sit there, shut up, and look pretty, all the while making sure to keep her beastly set of wings politely folded, you must have me confused with someone else.

Take me or leave me. I’m strong, I’m beautiful, I’m not afraid to speak my mind, and Screee-aaaah! Screee-aaaaaaaah!

Am I asking for something so crazy? Couldn’t I enjoy a night out on the town with a man who accepts—no, values—the best parts of me? Someone who appreciates my many professional accomplishments and who isn’t going to just scream and scream as his body slowly turns to stone and then never call again?

 

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